Well my bf is now my fiance acording to us and our friends but our families are another story, My dad doesn't wanna give me up or havta pay for phil to put me down. its hard right now also because i'm working full time and going to school and trying to make our relationship better so its tough but were looking for our first apartment sooo i'm excited!!! but its hard right now but i'm also hoping it all works out!

 

It all started when I was born, I wasn't exactly lucky when it came to getting a family. I mean I geuss my mom was good but I dont know, because she died when I was only six weeks old. My dad isn't really the kind of guy you'd say was good or even ok, he basically acted like a piret, raped pillaged and stole. I've been in the system sence a wee little thing but i'm ok with that, I believe I wouldn't be where I am today had I not gone through everything I did. My birth name is Sabrina Rosina Yurtch, I've lived with several rrelatives such as my aunt Colleen and my Aunt Karen and Uncle Bill. My life took a turn when my dad locked sky, me and his girlfriend out of the house and a neighborhood boy had to unlock the door by climbing on the roof. I dont remember exactly how it went but the most vivid thing is sky and I going in seperate cop cars to unknown places. We ended up in the same homes at first but then we got seperated, I was alone. Sky is my older sister, I have three syblings and two half syblings.

I've decided to get my associates in human services and staying in the PCA (personnal care aid) busines, and as i keep that as a part time job i will attempet to turn it inot full time as well as having my own day care. My boyfriend and I got engaged labor day weekend and are planning our wedding for August 21st 2011, why that day? Its our anniversary of dating why not be our wedding anniversery as well? He is asking my father for his blessing this christmas as well as possibly going to virginia with my family for thanksgiving. LET THE FUN BEGIN

im sitting here with nothing to do i showered i napped i ate now im bored what to do what to do? if i go to the mall ill spen money if i go to the movies i waist money if i go n e where im spending money i dont want to spend even though  need a bubbler? lol

i leave for college in less than 2 weeks and im both stoked and scared, also 2morrow is my road test... i hope i pass it would be good 2 be able to drive all over instead of walk and depending on  busses and parents, life is very exciting at the moment my bf is getting into new things he is going to try for the army, im happy about that because our future will be set if that happens. he plans on asking me to marry him before he gets in, if he gets in. just anouther hope in my life its not new.

i start nxt month, im scared but excited, i cant wait 2 meet my roomy i cant wait 2 start my classes and most of all i cant wait 2 get into my own world.

I got into Jamestown Community College and I'm dorming there this yr. but next yr. im planning on getting my own place out there and maybe going to a 4 yr out there and getting my life straight in a new place. I just hope it all falls through, nmy Bf of 3 yrs. is coming to stay with me for the nest 2 weeks and i hope we conect more he has big plans for our future but i just hope the important things fall through.

ok so when i moved here to angola i was around 125 pounds, then i gained a few because i actually ate here. i got to about 225 pounds not that any one would have noticed, now im back down a bit. im still working on it but i've lost 43 pounds so far which puts me at 182 but im still going. and you want to be like "what are you doing to lose the weight?" lol the funny thin i started eating breakfast which started me losing it then i started to make my proportions smaller and i make an effort to eat all three meals, i also ride my bike my bike to school once in a while and i walk with my sister and do burst exersizes i got out of Seventeen magazine. interesting huh?

I'm painting my room Rose pink because it gives better vibes than plain white, and i guess that suggests that I'm staying home for a while but it only means i"m unsure of the future and I'm willing to be ready to stay. my room is still kinda packed up though, just in case the future turns and cuts straight into "your not staying" I'm ready for that too. I lied i'm not ready for jAvK SHIT BUT WHO REALLY IS?

my prom dress was bought by me myself for $188 and so was my hair peaces and all that. i was declined from Hilbert which is fine i didn't really want to go there, but I'm worried I've done so crappy in high school I'm finally doing good. I'm on merit roll for the first time since 5th grade. i want to go for criminal justice but its hard to find a job around her and i kind of want to have the air force be my job, you know? as MP military police. half think its good for me the other half thinks i wont make it. idk myself though i've been losing wait and excersizing and trying but its difficult. i g2g bell rang.

well phil is over for the weekend and i just got a decline letter from Hilbert. good for them i didnt want to go there it was just a choice i need to get started on my airfoce stuff. well phil is a horn dog but were babysitting not that i would n e ways still not ready. im bored as hell though gatta wait for her to get home so we go dress shopping at clothes horse. im so tired and he is sooo damn touchy its irrimatating.

So i have chosen the air force and I'm starting my long journey and will be making this a FULL journey. congrats to me and i start away.

I'm having the usually difficulty of not being able to pay for college. Ive been researching and i have a date set to meet an air force recruiter. but I'm not sure if i want to do that. my sister said the air force is way better but I'm pretty sure you get more coming from the national guard, i wouldn't dare go army I'd end up over seas, What I'm going for is criminal justice and forensic science and I'm worried about going over seas but then again its so worth the fear the reserves you go like in and out i think. i need to b more educated on this stuff and i;m slightly unsure still but I'm going in the direction i want to.

    my life has been full of lies. pain. tears. bruises. cuts. and a hell of a lot more. all happened to me yes but its not all about me is it? there have been so many people entering my life and leaving my life that have had all of those happen to them as well. not only was my life one of the crappiest but its not  the least bit as bad as others have had. in the many dreadful and awesome experiences i have had i have to say its for the better, yes i lost my virginity b4 any one should even know where the parts are supposed to go but i know that sex is a grows and secret part of a person. i know that i wont have sex again
 until im absolutely ready and know that should n e thing happen the person laying next to me will be there for the rest of my life. this story isnt about sex eather or how i lost my virginity to an asshole but its about having the guts to tell your hidden story. its about knowing the inner me and letting the world see my soul. as it never left with the pain and my heart. 
       i cant remember every thing right away only what comes to mind at the time so bare with me. this helps me write the story for real as it happened and maybe make some buckage on shocking the world. my memory starts from god know when i know me n my sister sky lived with my dad in some small house with an attic. i know that we had a rotwhiler that i loved with all my heart. i remember sky getting bit by the dog and i remember an orange tabby cat named tiger and really mean neighbors. but the story starts when me and my sister got taken from our dad when he locked us and his girl friend out of the house. i remember the cops putting us in separate cars and being taken away. i remember a foster home with a bunch of girls with massive problems one ran away so we got a new home separate. i don't remember all my homes. i just remember parts then seeing sky again. i have 2 more siblings shane and star, real names, i will write more when i can.

in one of the 5 study hallz i have i will type out the very reason my life is the way it is. please go ahead read it go ahead comment and plese give me what ever you have to say about it.

one day i will write everything out...some will read it and wonder why i would put it out there, others will say wow, and many wont be able to stop reading the massive amount of words. length wont fear you, you will jump in like you did with a child called it or with those wierd stephen king novels. things like that happen and it can be worse and it could not be as bad but it still happens and coming soo will be "the life of a teenage depressionist."

I'm apperantly depressed. idk i read the description of depressed it some what describes me but idk i can be happy. when youur depressed can you be instantly happy? or does it only seem like your happy? im lost but idk i geuss my life has been so topsy turvy that i couldnt say what im feeling. maybe one day i can sit and acctually write out my scorched life. hmmmm i geuss there are people who have been through more but i couldnt tell you how they feel i only know how i feel. its amazing how 2 people could talk about 2 diferant situations and one says this sux, and the other goes i know how ya feel. but they dont really, do they? they only know what they think. my creativity level rised last week, ive been writing crazy stuff for a week, like my last blog. my hearts been racing as well like its going to go into over drive and fly outa my chest.

my friend ran into me yesterday and now my thumb is sprained......


swelling, swelling, it flutters and twitches as i sit and take this misserable test. 
bothersom hearts colliding, jolting to be next to eachother, only one owner knows it.
the other sits confused, silent in wait. holding you would seem wierd, but how does anyone go from friends and say its wierd? alone is alone but do you really know what alone is?